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Cinema Snob/Quotes
I know what type of place this is! IT'S A BUILDING! ** "Creepozoids" * We all certainly remember the classic Danny Elfman Batman theme! Yeah! This isn't it! music plays during the film's opening credits ** "Italian Batman" * When you know what E.T's asshole looks like and what the word "Conchadunga" means... yeah... it could be a LOT worse. ** "Alice in Wonderland: An X-Rated Musical Fantasy" * In case you missed it, Chester's initials are C.N.T. He's missing a fuckin' vowel. ** "Tales from the Quadead Zone" * scene cuts to a cemetery Oh, the movie passed away. ** "The Corpse Grinders" * Morgan Freeman I wish I could tell you that Zorro fought the good fight and that Ricky let him be. I wish I could tell you that, but prison is no Miyazaki fairy tale world. ** "Riki-Oh: the Story of Ricky" * And there you have the first onscreen appearance by the My Buddy doll. ** "The Sinful Dwarf" * If I want to see a real Aliens rip-off then I will stick with Bruno Mattei's Terminator 2, thank you very much. beat Wait a minute, no I won't! ** "Alien 2: On Earth" * Wait, I'm sorry, is this movie supposed to be the fucking origin story of The Powerpuff Girls? I forgot that Professor Utonium used sugar, spice, everything nice and fucking severed body parts! ** "The Body Shop" * Mayor: Dick tells me you shut that beach tighter than a virgin's cunt. Snob: Mr. Mayor, your misogyny gets me so hard. ** "Gums" * Is that little shit giving me the finger? Well, right back at you, Baby Bob! ** "Maniac" * Eaugh! I do not feel like fucking something! ** "Hardgore" * I'll stick with real woodchipper movies - like "Fargo", thank you very much. ** "Woodchipper Massacre" * Where does this movie take place? Whatever, I'm just going to assume it takes place in Buck Owen's ball sac. ** "Redneck Zombies" * Warning, it's I Spit on Your Grave! ** "I Spit on Your Grave (Part 1)" * No, honey, listen - we need to have sex RIGHT NOW. I'm feeling very confused. ** "Sadomania" * Ahh! Look! There's a drill in my head! Aren't you TOTALLY convinced that there's a drill in my head? ** "Las Vegas Bloodbath" * lines I hate kids. ** "Beware! Children at Play!" * Yeah, it's just like Kill Bill, if Kill Bill were a 1984 James Cameron film called The Terminator! And who uses the word oodles? ** "Lady Terminator" * Can you blame the fridge? I'd go nuts too if I had to witness that grotesque display of leap-frog. ** "The Refrigerator" * air to the sound of coins This! Is How! You Make! A Fucking! Porn! Parody! ** "Super Hornio Bros." * If this movie had any less of a point, it'd be a sphere! ** "Pink Flamingos" * If I want to watch a Terminator II movie, I'll watch real Terminator II movies like Terminator 2, thank you very much. ** "Bruno Mattei's Terminator II" * Trivia note: McDowell actually ad-libbed the bit with the flower, and it's kind of amazing watching the gears work in his head as it hits him to do that to this actor. I think it was right about... here. a freeze-frame of Mac Dowell grinning Yep. That's the look of a man who has the bright idea to stick a flower in a guy's ass. * Oh no, you can't stick an entire pole up there! Can you really make a featherwheel like that? You know, a Roman sex swing looks like a really inconvenient way to get a blowjob! Is that... is that a fucking snake? ** "Caligula (Part I)" * He was a dissolve cut all along! pans down ...and he pooped. * Fine, fine, I'll have sex with you twenty-year-old schoolgirls. ** "Satan's School for Girls" * Merry Christmas, the Nazis win. * Santa: I said oral. attacks him Snob: No, no, he was just asking if you wanted Moral Orel on DVD. ** "Elves" * advertisement plays with the movie Why yes, the movie does make me want to have phone sex. How did you know? * Good thing they're flying away now, as the town looks like it's been hit with extreme radiation. * the end of the movie, the word "Son" appears on screen I am not your fucking son. ** "Badi (The Turkish E.T.)" * Did I just watch the original Let's Play? * The only difference between these two movies is that in Blood Rage, I don't get to see Body By Jake acting like a fucking nutbar! * Hey! He just did you a favor - he stopped you from drinking a whole thing of Old Style! ** "Blood Rage" * Luke: You really think our time is at its end? Snob: The world is changing, kid. The internet is changing. Even if we survive this witch hunt, we can't chase the Zeitgeist forever. * Critic: Oh come on, when have I ever lied to any of you guys? JesuOtaku: in excitedly Oh my god you guys, I won a car! beat JesuOtaku: I don't check my mail that often. Critic: Cinema Snob, fill her in. Snob: Alright, you're gonna LOVE this... * Critic: Cinema Snob, can we fire back? Snob: Um... according to this little red light that means "no"... uh... no. ** To Boldly Flee * The movie stars popular character actor Ward Bond presumably because he's the closest actor they could find whose name sounds a little like war bond. * lines Ward Bond shot down an airplane, shaved Hitler, and called him "toots". This was a good week. * lines Say boys, who wants to help me give Hitler a knuckle sammich? ** "Hilter: Dead or Alive" Category:The Cinema Snob Category:Quotes